January 8, 2005
“Awesome!”
Filed under Photographs
The wait in Kuwait
Matt giving Willy an IV to help him hydrate his hangover
Standing in the awesome homecoming ceremony formation. Notice Ray looking back at me.
It was a packed house at the ceremony
Mike and his son. I have to admit that I really envy this guy. Incredible career and family.
Our final formation of the deployment. From the right: John, Willy, and Ray.
September 27th, 2005 at 1:30 am
Welcome home! lol party party party
July 24th, 2006 at 12:58 am
You were free and out of war,blave soldier
November 10th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Jason and I engaged in a torrid love affair while in Iraq. I taught him to read the Koran. He taught me the rusty trombone.
March 9th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Apparently there is a great deal of controversy surrounding my stalking of Jason Christopher Hartley. Normally anything that would make Jason sweat like Tiger Woods in Hooters gives me pleasure. I enjoy watching Jason in uncomfortable situations. However, people are questioning whether or not I am real, or that Jason is in fact stalking himself. For all you conspiracy theorist out there go fuck yourself with a cheese grader, hard.
You guys want to pick on Jason go right ahead, but when you deny me my only identity and claim all my hard work stalking Jason is just a figment of his glue sniffing imagination then the JIHAD is on!! That’s right I am calling out a Stalking Fatwa on your asses. You think a Fatwa is something to laugh at – go talk to Dutch film maker Theo Van Gogh and ask him if its funny.
First and foremost – there are two types of stalkers in this world:
1. The John Hinkley jrs of the world who sit in their parents basements with their underoos on mailing semen out to Jodi Foster.
2. The ex stalker. For anyone here who has had a relationship with a person that ended poorly you know who I am talking about. The 3 am hang up phone calls, the hack into your hotmail account so we can see who you are emailing type of stalker.
I am definitely in category 2. Jason and I were great friends since birth. We hung out all the time – then he got famous and stopped hanging with me. It all started when Steven Spielberg wanted to make “Just Another Soldier” into a movie. Jason invited me to help with the negotiations and I let it slip out that Spielberg could direct “Just Another Soldier” as long as he doesn’t fuck it up Temple of Doom style. I told Spielberg that with the exception of the first Indiana Jones and Schindlers list his movies suck. Saving Private Ryan is a prime example.
Quick Synopsis:
Tom Hanks risks everyone’s life when he listens to that faggot Upman. He should have executed the kraut, not let him go. It doesn’t make any sense. Bare minimum; tie up the Nazi and throw him in a hole and have him wait out the fight. No instead now, after 2 years of war and watching 200 of his Soldiers get killed, Tom Hanks suddenly grows a conscience and lets the kraut live. (no doubt this played well with the commie fags in Hollywood, But I guarantee you John Wayne would have canoed that schiesser loving National Socialist). And what does this sneaky Nazi bastard do, he grabs a rifle and re-joins his unit to fight it out with Tom Hanks 10 scenes later. Well fuck you Spielberg, fuck you Tom Hanks and fuck you Upman. Kill the kraut, find Ryan, blow up the German tanks and make Upman hold-your-pockets prison style. That’s how the movie should have ended.
So Jason stopped our friendship right there. Left me high and dry in Hollywood. I had to borrow 20 bucks from Kate Capeshaw for cab fare.
I made up my mind right there to stalk Jason. Therefore some stories I tell about Jason are in reference to our past when he was Coolio with me. But I swear to you all that one day I will de-skin Jason with a butter knife and wear his face as a mask on Halloween.
I hate having to respond to this controversy. First it really diminishes my work. It isn’t easy posing as an AT&T worker and climbing up a 10 story cell tower to tap into someone’s i-phone. Its hard work drilling through 10 inches of concrete to put a microphone in someone’s bathroom. And it sure as shit sucks the donkey dick trekking out to fucking Utah to find old Jason Christopher Hartley mementos. Have you ever been to Utah? Not the liberal ass Robert Redford Sundance Utah. I am talking about sheep fucking Provo Utah. So for anyone to question my commitment I hope you get Syphilis.
In addition. I noticed that people are not only questioning my stalking of Jason, but also are making individual observations about Jason. Lets get this straight you trend stealing fuckin hipsters. I am his stalker. Not you, not fucking clownface200, or friggin equaility, or bigtata1. It is me! Any comments about Jason are just fucking poser. Pure Poser. I am the stalker. End of story.
I see things on the internet questioning Jason’s commitment to the Army and I think: “is this where we are going?” I don’t give a shit about any commitment he makes to anyone but me – that’s why I am stalking him you fucks. Field craft! Field craft! What kind of faggot ass dungeons and dragons argument is that. Its like two kids screaming about who would win in a fight Legolis or Gimli.
Is Jason a good Soldier – yes. But do I care? Fuck no! As far as I am concerned Jason should write another book and get more famous so I can stalk someone with more importance. I already stated I am the joke of the stalking profession. First of all I haven’t even killed Jason yet, and second he is still only a local celebrity. Its like stalking Chuck Scarborough. Plus I don’t want Jason to go to active duty. I already stated how much it sucks going to Utah. Going to FT Drum is even worse.
I don’t care if you guys hate Jason because he is sexy as shit and dates hot girls. It makes my life better to video him with a hottie than watching someone finger bang a troll on Lexington Ave. But lets all be adults, when the deranged stalker is the voice of reason then you guys fucked the dog on this shit. If you want to emasculate Jason the easiest thing to do is ask him about getting excommunicated from the Mormon church – by his own father!! But making fun of him because you think the National Guard is not a real military commitment is gay, pure gay ass envy. If you think these guys are not committed to being a Soldier then some one needs to clarify the nature of what is a real commitment to the 600+ National Guard and Reservist who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan and especially to the 22 young men from my Battalion who gave their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan.